You're Hideous and Sexy
by NarutoBlackmail
Summary: The Warden gets an AMAAAAAZING idea to keep Jackknife from escaping all the time. Of course, nothing ever goes as planned. EVER. The Warden/Jackknife slash. DO NOT WANT? DO NOT READ. Wow, what a shitty summary, lmao.


HAAAAAY

Wow I haven't written SHIT for FF.N! FOR 3 YEARS! ZOMG (spazz) I figured I'd contribute something to the Superjail fandom here since there is VIRTUALLY NOTHING here, so I wrote some slash.

What'd you expect from **ME** LOL?

Here is some delicious Warden/Jackknife for you. The idea's been in my head for a while, so yayyyy.

If you're going to flame, do so. I don't give a fuck, just make sure you can spell and aren't going to throw lame insults and internet memes at me like you're so fucking cool and act like you've been going to 4chan FOREVER GUSYS REALLY I KNOW COOL RIGHT

I fucking hate people like you, so go die in a fire.

Anyway, onwards!

--

"Maybe we should keep him on a leash."

The Warden's words echoed through his office, Jailbot,, Jared, and Alice standing in front of him in total silence. "WHAT?!" Jared cried, breaking the aforementioned silence. "B-but sir! Isn't that taking it a bit too far?! Sure, Jackknife escapes all the time, but Jailbot always brings him back! ALWAYS!"

Jailbot made an assuring beeping sound in agreement.

"I don't know, but that _does_ sound like a good plan." Alice said, stroking her chin. "Besides, it would make him suffer, which is just fine with me."

The Warden tapped his cane slowly and repeatedly on the floor, thinking about his worker's words. Jared overreacted as usual, Jailbot agreed with him, and Alice was just… being Alice. They weren't much help in this situation.

"Well, _I _for one, think it's a fantastic idea!" The Warden shouted, standing up quickly with his hands on his desk. "Besides, it gets tiring and redundant sending poor Jailbot to recover the same criminal over and over again!"

They all exchanged looks of concern and unease.

"Bring him in here! I'll take care of it MYSELF!"

--

Meanwhile, Jackknife was eagerly trying to break through the bars to the little window in his jail cell… with a nail file. How pathetic, yeah, but whatever it takes, he NEEDED to get the hell out of this nuthouse.

"JESUS CHRIST, IT'S ALICE!"

Jackknife spun around, eyes wide after hearing the other inmate's cry. He knew what Alice could do to him if she caught him trying to escape. Fuck, he had to get rid of that stupid nail file! He looked around the room desperately, trying to find a place where he could dispose of the evidence. Then he remembered; the window.

Without thinking, he tossed it out and it fell into the prison yard, forever gone. His only hope for escaping again, **SHATTERED**.

"HEY, YOU."

Jackknife shudder at the gruff voice and saw Alice standing outside his cell, unlocking the door. Wait, what? Unlocking the-

"Come on. THE WARDEN needs to see you." Alice finished her sentence by grabbing him by the collar of his prison suit and, literally, dragging him out. The Warden wanted to see him? That happy-go-lucky, middle-aged, purple-suit-wearing maniac that ran Superjail?

Jackknife growled under his breath in confusion… and a little bit of fear.

--

Before he knew it, Jackknife was standing in The Warden's office, completely in a daze, not knowing what was about to happen.

He looked around nervously, until the chair behind the desk spun around to face him.

"So, JACKKNIFE," The Warden said with the weirdest, most terrifying smirk that said, "I'm up to no fucking good." Jackknife gulped at his expression and grumbled. "Don't be shy!" he said happily, his face changing into a bright smile and sweet, Pepto Bismol-filled eyes. "Come closer! I just need to have a word, is all."

Jackknife inched closer, slowly, and stood right in front of his desk. Okay, this is was close enough… right? He took one more little step. Yeah, that's better. He looked at The Warden who gave him an innocent smile. Jackknife's brow twitched a bit and blushed slightly. And by slightly, I mean you could hardly tell.

"Anyway, I've noticed that you've escaped over many, many, many, MANY times in the past, and I bet you were gonna do it again, right? Well, I bet you just get sick and tired of Jailbot coming after you all the time, correct?"

Jackknife shifted his eyes to the left onto the floor and growled in response.

"Well, I'm here to fix that for you!" The Warden flashed another wide smile and, out of nowhere, pulled out a black dog collar with a long leash tied to it.

The repeated-offender's eyes widened in shock and backed up a little. Wh-what the hell?! He doesn't mean to-

Jackknife turned and made an attempt to escape, but surprisingly, The Warden leapt up and pinned him to the floor, straddling his waist. How the hell did he stop HIM so fast? The Warden's scrawny as hell!

Jackknife tried to get up, struggling to not let The Warden put that… THING on him. Doesn't he know how humiliating that would be? The only criminal, in all of Superjail, to have a fucking leash and collar on him, walking around prison grounds. That's like telling everyone, "Oh, hey, I'm The Warden's bitch and I let him do ANYTHING he wants to me!"

Wait… why did he just think of that?

His thoughts got him caught up, and he didn't even realize that the collar was VERY CLOSE to coming into contact with his neck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! He can't let him do this!

The Warden was becoming irritated now. He needed a distraction, and Jackknife was just NOT going to get through with this. That's when The Warden got an idea, a little light bulb even appeared over his head for all to see.

He grabbed Jackknife by the chin and leaned down. The prisoner's eyes looked at the higher authority, filled with anger and surprise. "You're like a dog, always running away from your home." The Warden whispered, "That's why you're getting this treatment. So…"

And that was it.

He shut him up and made him chill the fuck out by kissing him. Oldest trick in the book to make someone know their place in a moment, but hey. It worked.

Jackknife growled menacingly in between the kiss, but The Warden pressed forward until he completely submitted. He grinned slightly when he felt his prisoner grab the back of his head and pushed him closer to deepen the kiss.

(click)

_Got it._

The Warden finished by licking Jackknife's bottom lip and smirked down at him. Wait a minute… Jackknife felt something on his neck and touched it. _It was that fucking collar_. He realized what had just happened and saw that The Warden held the leash in his hand, grinning like the mad man he was.

"Gotcha'!"

The Warden began laughing in triumph. His plan was BRILLIANT! Pin Jackknife down, make out with him for distraction, and then putting the… collar… on.

The Warden's laughter died down as his expression went from victorious to utter shock. He just… made out. With an inmate. With _Jackknife_ of all-

Whoa.

WHOA.

Wasn't that, like… against the jail regulations or something?

He looked at Jackknife, still straddling his waist. Jackknife stared back. He was obviously in a daze of WTF-Just-Happened.

The atmosphere was so awkward; it would have been hilarious if not for the fact that they felt so… _weird _about it.

"Ummm…" The Warden cleared his throat and scratched the back of his thinning hair. "Well, there." He couldn't even think of anything clever to say. Not now, no freaking _way_.

Jackknife looked around with furrowed brows and slid out from underneath The Warden and stood, taking the other with him. He mumbled a bit and shoved a hand in his orange jumpsuit pocket. You could tell from a mile away how embarrassed he was since his face was so damn red. The same went for The Warden.

"So, you understand?" The Warden replied, daring to look at Jackknife in the eyes. "Just now… uh… YOU'RE STILL A DOG AND STUFF. So… NO MORE RUNNING AWAY! I'll uh… just… take this off. I don't think you really need it, anyway…"

He removed the dog collar from Jackknife and tossed to the floor. The Warden hmph'd and crossed his arms like a child and pouted. As he walked over to his desk, he pressed a button that led to the intercom. "Alice! Come to my office and pick up Jackknife."

Jackknife picked up the collar and glanced back and forth from it to The Warden. Hmmm…

A dog, huh?

Jackknife smirked and walked over to The Warden. He turned around after he finished making the announcement and said to him, "Well, you can go now. This didn't really go as planned, but… whatever."

The Warden blinked and stared at Jackknife. Wait, why was he inches away from his face again…?

The convict leaned in and licked The Warden on the right side of his face, his tongue sliding slowly towards his ear. When he pulled away a knock came at the door and Alice entered.

Wow, what timing.

"Come on, you." Alice said, "Time to take you back. Warden's orders."

Jackknife gave him one last smirk and walked towards Alice as she placed handcuffs back on his wrists. They walked out, leaving The Warden to stand there.

He felt the side of his face; it was totally wet and warm. The Warden was at an even MORE total loss. What the… Jackknife licked him. Like a damn animal! A pet! Like a… a…

The Warden blinked and chuckled.

Like a dog.

**-SuperEnd!-**


End file.
